just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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