Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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