I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
