And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
