The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
