Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
