around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
