Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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