Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
