Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
