We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
