I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
