i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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