5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
