Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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