Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
