im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
