just tell him i said nine months
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If I die, sorry about rent.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
