I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
