When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
