Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
