$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
