Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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