how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
