If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
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