it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
