Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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