There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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