Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize