he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
