i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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