when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
