I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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