3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
This is not my ceiling
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
