someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
