Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
