then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
