FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
