Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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