genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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