shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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