Where did you get a picture of my penis
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
