Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
