STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
