fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
