i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
