I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
