she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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