hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
