How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
