He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
