Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
